Updated: Jul 8, 2019
Hello Gardeners - welcome back to #PullYourWeeds! Today we are going to talk about apologies. All of us have been in the position where we've needed to apologize to someone for something we did or said. But just saying those two words:
isn't enough. Most of the time we understand that those two words are connected to an event and we understand that the person apologizing feels bad for what they did or said. By only saying "I'm sorry", we do our friends and ourselves a disservice. We don't put ourselves in our friend's shoes, feel the impact of our actions or words, and then ask to be forgiven - we instead assume saying "I'm sorry" are the magic words to solve our problems.
That's why we've come up with this 4-step apology - think of it as a guideline to a genuine, well-rounded apology.
If we use this tool to improve our apologies, we not only make the person who deserves our apology feel heard and respected, but we exercise our ability to feel empathy - something we need more of in today's world!
Remember, we all make mistakes - we do or say things that can negatively impact other people. The best way to fix it is to own up to what we've done, and offer a sincere apology that tells our friend that we recognize why what we've said or done is harmful and commit to not doing it again.
Recently we found this passage that describes empathy and understanding using gardener friendly language. Written by Vietnamese, Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, it reads:
🌱 🌱 🌱
When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason or argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.